Why do victims of domestic abuse hope their abusers will change?

The abuse itself is experienced as an emotional rejection with the threat of being abandoned. This triggers feelings of shame and fears of both more abuse and abandonment in the victim, which are then relieved during the honeymoon phase. Then victims hope the abuser will change. After all, there are good times between episodes of abuse.

How do abusers avoid responsibility for their actions?

Abusers refuse to accept their mistakes and avoid responsibility for their actions by trying to minimize their importance. For example, “I didn’t hit you that hard,” “I only slapped you; I didn’t hit you,” or “I only hit one of the kids.

Can abusers have a Jekyll-and-Hyde personality?

Abusers can have a Jekyll-and-Hyde personality. Dr. Jekyll is often charming and romantic, perhaps successful, and makes pronouncements of love. You love Dr. Jekyll and make excuses for Mr. Hyde. You may not see that the whole person is the problem. If you’ve had a painful relationship with a parent growing up, you can confuse love and pain.

What does it mean to be a partner of an abuser?

Partners of abusers are essentially expected to be mind readers and know in advance the needs of the abusive spouse. When this doesn’t happen, the abuser feels insecure, unloved and rejected. This imagined rejection is then used to justify emotional, psychological and physical abuse.

What happens when you live with an abusive abuser?

Abusers use threats to cultivate fear, anxiety and despair in their victim. Often they threaten children, family members or friends with harm if the victim doesn’t comply with his demands. Living with an abuser is a no win situation for the victim. You can’t change him.

Why do abusers try to shift blame on their victims?

The reason we want to talk about here has to do with a psychological trick most abusers pull where they try to shift the blame for the abusive situation onto their victims and simultaneously paint themselves as the true victims who are suffering cruel, unfair attacks at the hands of the very people they are abusing.

How do victims of domestic violence feel about being abandoned?

The abuse itself is experienced as an emotional rejection with the threat of being abandoned. This triggers feelings of shame and fears of both more abuse and abandonment in the victim, which are then relieved during the honeymoon phase.